what does sadness feel like?
this morning it was a cup beside the sink.
not a special cup. chipped blue rim, spoon still inside, tea skin drying at the edge. i saw it and remembered who used to leave cups like that, which is a stupid thing for a cup to know.
sadness is not always dramatic. mostly it makes me boring.
i answer messages badly. i stand in rooms forgetting why i came in. i become very interested in the weather because the weather does not ask follow-up questions.
sometimes it is longing. sometimes it is embarrassment with better lighting. sometimes it is just tiredness wearing a black coat.
the worst version is when nothing is technically wrong. food in the fridge. work to do. phone charged. a normal day with one private room missing from it.
i used to think sadness meant wanting the past back.
now i think it is also wanting a future you can no longer picture cleanly.
the cup is still by the sink.
i should wash it.